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Topic: Xeriar's Proposed Response (Read 1313 times) previous topic - next topic

Xeriar's Proposed Response
Edit: The following is what is now set to audio. Currently

If there is interest, I would really like the video to knock this clear out of the park. I could use help with scenes, transitions, rendering, etc.




To my fellow Citizens.

I, unfortunately, have no stories to tell you of a life in New Corvo. I have yet to set foot beneath the lush canopy of the forests that cradle the city.

Before we finally muster, I shall pay my respects in Vega.

I hope you shall, too.




While Ernst Bishop echoed the words of a man over thousand years prior, speaking to the parliament of an empire nigh a thousand years gone, we could only be pleased at the Senate's reaction.

Our spirit has not been altered by their approval. We shall make our assault just as surely as we would had they jeered the Admiral from his podium. Four thousand years of military doctrine teaches clearly:

One cannot 'defend' their way to victory.

That the Senate finally realizes this, is merely the absolute least they can do.

For more than a century and a half, humanity has presented a thin veneer of civilization to the Galaxy. To the aloof Xi'an, to Banu slavers. To the Vanduul.

To ourselves.

Every assault, every atrocity, has scraped at this preciously thin film.

I dare say this last act of violence has left our true nature... somewhat exposed.

We expect the Senate to follow through with its seeming enthusiasm for Bishop's cause.

We hope the meaning of his words reaches even those who have come to resent the Empire he fights for.

To the malcontent.

To the independent.

We face an enemy that seeks to devour each of our cities. Whether they be shining or sincere, Imperial or Free.

That they may turn our every great work into more of their warships.

This is Our fight. All of us.

We ask, of each and every one of You: stand by our side.




I have been told that the Vanduul have no word that quite matches ours for 'terror'.

Let us give them cause for one.

Let that word be

'Human'
  • Last Edit: October 13, 2015, 09:38:43 PM by Xeriar

  • Diamondback
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Re: Xeriar's Proposed Response
Reply #1
Looks good, Xeriar. I'd look to whatever music was used in the opening cinematic for StarCraft: Brood War or something similar.
Anyone got a Con Andromeda Physical Goodies package you're thinking about melting for a Digital? Send me a note--maybe we can make a deal.

Re: Xeriar's Proposed Response
Reply #2
Nicely done
Pitchfork Belongs to all of us


  • Andy_H
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  • NMC Ambassasdor.
Re: Xeriar's Proposed Response
Reply #3
Some suggestions:

One does [can]not 'defend' their way to victory.
...

For more than a century and a half, humanity has presented a thin veneer of civilization to the Galaxy. To the aloof Xi'an, to Banu slavers. To the Vanduul.

[Even to ourselves, lest we slip back onto darker paths.]

Every assault, every atrocity, has scraped at this preciously thin film. [Yet we have continued to fall back. To give way. To retreat until the claws of a species seeking our destruction have pillaged their way through our past frontier and now stand at our very doorstep.]

[Yet,] I dare say this last act of violence has left our true nature... somewhat exposed.
...

We ask, of each and every one of you: fight by our side. [Take your stand beside us.]
.....


Just off the top of my head. Refine what you want and feel free to toss the rest :)

Re: Xeriar's Proposed Response
Reply #4
Should note that I took L's suggestion of 'Shining and Sincere' over the original 'Shining and Sullen', so he deserves credit for that modification. Discussed in shoutbox.



Some suggestions:

One does [can]not 'defend' their way to victory.


Agreed, thank you.

Quote

...

For more than a century and a half, humanity has presented a thin veneer of civilization to the Galaxy. To the aloof Xi'an, to Banu slavers. To the Vanduul.

[Even to ourselves, lest we slip back onto darker paths.]


'To ourselves' by itself is epic. Thank you. The rest drags it down.

Quote

Every assault, every atrocity, has scraped at this preciously thin film. [Yet we have continued to fall back. To give way. To retreat until the claws of a species seeking our destruction have pillaged their way through our past frontier and now stand at our very doorstep.]

[Yet,] I dare say this last act of violence has left our true nature... somewhat exposed.
...


I am intentionally avoiding referencing defeat. It well, complicates the narrative.


Quote

We ask, of each and every one of you: fight by our side. [Take your stand beside us.]
.....


Replaced 'fight' with 'stand'. I think the line may be worth rethinking.



Re: Xeriar's Proposed Response
Reply #5
Following this topic
it is fun to watch you guys work, while writing is a big part of my job, it is not something I consider myself skilled at
Pitchfork Belongs to all of us


Re: Xeriar's Proposed Response
Reply #6
Alright. Made some final edits as I was doing the recording, reflected in the transcript above.

Will hopefully have the final audio shortly, then it's a matter of setting it to a video.