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Topic: OPPF Press Release supporting Admiral Bishop (Read 5500 times) previous topic - next topic

  • Andy_H
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OPPF Press Release supporting Admiral Bishop
Sailor asked me to help organize the writers to write up a Press Release in support of Admiral Bishop's speech to the UEE Senate on 10/10/2945. He also asked about a 10 second copy for ATV's "Empire Report" regarding this. Since there is a 5 person limit in the RSI PM System, we're going to try collaborating here instead. That way everyone who wishes to contribute can listen in :)

For reference, here it the transcript of the SQ42 speech given by Admiral Bishop:




"For two hundred years we have battled the Vanduul. We have called these attacks 'raids' or 'skirmishes' or 'incursions.' But I am here to tell you that we are at war!

Tiber, Orion, Caliban, Virgil... Once human systems all but abandoned in the face of the enemy.

The Vanduul are at our gates. Weapons bared while we... we hide and cower. Retreating as they burn and decimate everything around us.

We cannot let the tragedy of Vega happen again! We cannot give the Vanduul any more ground.

To defend this empire we must attack. And we have to be committed to that attack whatever the cost may be.

We have to rebuild our fleet. We have to use the power of human innovation to reclaim these so called 'Red Systems' and strike back at the enemy!

This will not be an easy fight. It will cost us. In resources... in credits... in lives.

Some of you may be asking why we must undertake such a thing, and I... I can tell you in one word. Victory. For if there is one thing the Vanduul have taught us, it's that without victory there can be no survival!"

  • Andy_H
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Re: OPPF Press Release supporting Admiral Bishop
Reply #1
Sailor's inital post in our attempts to set up our collaboration workspace:

Quote
"Hey,

Wanted to throw an idea out. As you know I sort of drafted Andy_h to work on a press release in support of Bishop and I know he pinged some of you. If you guys are open to it, I would like to expend that a bit.

In addition to the press release, how about 10 seconds of copy for the "Empire Report" We know they are almost out of episodes. If we can get something written and to CIG they may use it.

Perhaps we can impose on Bat Girl to suggest it to Ben, but I don't want to abuse that she is already helping us with something else


Thoughts?"

  • Diamondback
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Re: OPPF Press Release supporting Admiral Bishop
Reply #2
As Command Historian, the first link I'm seeing is to many battles in history. When men fall trading land for time, we have ALWAYS (well, except the past decade) made it a point to go back and ensure our fallen did not die in vain: the Pacific pullbacks like Bataan-Corregidor, the British fallback into Egypt to buy time for the Operation Torch landings and to push east; the massive boatlift out of France to save personnel whose knowledge would be useful in D-Day; Goliad, the Alamo and Houston's other fall-backs to overextend Santa Anna's supply lines and tee him up for the hammer to fall at San Jacinto...

Point is, we don't leave our own behind--it's not our nature, it's not in the ancient code of honor that binds our warriors as the protectors of the society that gives birth to them.
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Re: OPPF Press Release supporting Admiral Bishop
Reply #3
Yeah, Bishop's speech was a pretty clear callout to Churchill's Victory at All Costs speech.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7AszGEVOefQ




I was going to do my own response in video form. Working on some renders. Hopefully they'll turn out well.

Not really an official thing, more of an in-character thing.

I will post a planned transcript.

  • Diamondback
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Re: OPPF Press Release supporting Admiral Bishop
Reply #4
Also, look into Douglas MacArthur's "No Substitute for Victory" speech for inspiration.

My little buddy and co-pilot Junior the Tyrannosaur reminds me that 70 million years ago his kind didn't leave *their* packmates behind, and if *we're* really so much farther up the evolutionary ladder neither would we... :p
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Re: OPPF Press Release supporting Admiral Bishop
Reply #5
Bishop's speech already called out a prior speech. I think if we resort to echoing the past it will just sound uninspired, personally. But I am a pretty harsh critic of such things.

  • Jack Knife
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Re: OPPF Press Release supporting Admiral Bishop
Reply #6
Here's a tidbit that might be of use that's short,sweet and to the point like your looking for.

Sun Tzu's the Art of War stated that invincibility lies in defense,but victory lies in attack. Therefore we cannot sit idly by for another 200 years. We must attack!

  • Diamondback
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Re: OPPF Press Release supporting Admiral Bishop
Reply #7
I think the point in reaching back into history is noting that to deny our fallen the justice they deserve is to deny a part, even a fundamental part, of our very Humanity itself.
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  • Jack Knife
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Re: OPPF Press Release supporting Admiral Bishop
Reply #8
I say we use what Diamondback just said,but work Armitage into it. (I shamelessly mixed my own in as it further illustrated the point.)

"We lost Armitage on Orion to the Vanduul as the survivors fled to Vega and we've been at war ever since. Now Vega has been attacked 200 years later. We will never forget this for reaching back into history is noting that to deny our fallen the justice they deserve is to deny a part, even a fundamental part, of our very Humanity itself. Reaching further back the Art of War stated that invincibility lies in defense,but victory lies in attack. Therefore we cannot sit idly by for another 200 years. We stand by Admiral Bishop as we must attack!"

  • Diamondback
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Re: OPPF Press Release supporting Admiral Bishop
Reply #9
The other angle I would take is to stress how the Judgment of History has not been kind in casting its verdicts upon appeasers and those who failed to prepare when war was clearly coming.

"Those who chose to beat their swords into plowshares have invariably faced a choice: suffer while beating them BACK into swords, or suffer even more plowing for those who did not."
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  • Jack Knife
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Re: OPPF Press Release supporting Admiral Bishop
Reply #10
While I like the quote it feels out of place. Perhaps this minor edit in the beginning helps though.

"We lost Armitage on Orion to the Vanduul as the survivors fled to Vega. We were unprepared back then. Now Vega has been attacked 200 years later and we have failed to prepare properly against this threat. Containing it and appeasing the public opinion with political labels as citizens continued to die. We will never forget this for reaching back into history is noting that to deny our fallen the justice they deserve is to deny a part, even a fundamental part, of our very Humanity itself. Reaching further back the Art of War stated that invincibility lies in defense,but victory lies in attack. Therefore we cannot sit idly by for another 200 years. We stand by Admiral Bishop as we must attack!"

Re: OPPF Press Release supporting Admiral Bishop
Reply #11
Made a response proposal. It's been cooking in my brain since the original Vega announcement.

https://operationpitchfork.com/forums/index.php?topic=1636.msg8288#msg8288




For the official response, I would not want to begin with 'we lost'.

"The loss". It is a thing that happens. We are not losers.

And historically, they fled to Tiber and Caliban, and from Tiber to Vega.

  • Jack Knife
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Re: OPPF Press Release supporting Admiral Bishop
Reply #12
I mean no offense,but weren't we trying for a shorter Press Release so it would be possibly released on ATV? In audio or video it might be shorter,but it's unclear if it would also make it on ATV. (I liked the ending btw.)




Re: OPPF Press Release supporting Admiral Bishop
Reply #13
Yeah, speaking it out it clocks in at about 2:30. Possibly another ten second perhaps if it's my persona and I sign it.

No remote way I could not make it into a proper thirty second clip for ATV.

So will try to help people polish what you build here. I don't want it to hit any less hard.

  • Benjamin the Rogue
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Re: OPPF Press Release supporting Admiral Bishop
Reply #14

I think the point in reaching back into history is noting that to deny our fallen the justice they deserve is to deny a part, even a fundamental part, of our very Humanity itself.


As Jack Knife said, I think this needs to be the core part of it. And as he also said, it needs to be short and sweet. So I'm going to take a shot at it.

"The movement known as Operation Pitchfork has released a statement in the wake of the Battle of Vega II and Admiral Bishop's speech. They say as their ranks grow, they have reaffirmed their commitment to pushing back against the Vanduul and have sworn to support Admiral Bishop's push to action against this existential threat, as it is a fundamental part of Humanity to seek an accounting for injustice. Is this as of yet un-sanctioned militia organization what we need against the Vanduul?"

Maybe just a tad too long, but I wanted to get the "fundamental part of humanity" bit in. It might have to go though. But let me know what you guys think.
  • Last Edit: October 11, 2015, 10:51:31 AM by Benjamin the Rogue

Re: OPPF Press Release supporting Admiral Bishop
Reply #15
Great stuff guys. I am thinking two. One which is a typical press release 1/4 to 3/4 page length with another 1/4 "About" section.  The Empire Report segments are maybe 1 to 3 sentences long. "Operation Pitchfork released a press statement today in support of Admiral Bishop and scathingly condemned the Polo Initiative" or whatever you guys come up with.

I just think they should complement each other.
Pitchfork Belongs to all of us


  • Benjamin the Rogue
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Re: OPPF Press Release supporting Admiral Bishop
Reply #16

Great stuff guys. I am thinking two. One which is a typical press release 1/4 to 3/4 page length with another 1/4 "About" section.  The Empire Report segments are maybe 1 to 3 sentences long. "Operation Pitchfork released a press statement today in support of Admiral Bishop and scathingly condemned the Polo Initiative" or whatever you guys come up with.

I just think they should complement each other.


I think we should leave the Polo Initiative alone. It's a political mess I don't want us involved in, especially because other Forkers have their own opinion on the subject. I'm leaving it up to them to decide individually.

As for the other stuff, I'll try writing something up, but I was just outside and realized a tree branch fell on my fence, so I need to get that sorted today.
  • Last Edit: October 11, 2015, 10:52:40 AM by Benjamin the Rogue

  • ~L~
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Re: OPPF Press Release supporting Admiral Bishop
Reply #17
I started skimming through this Polo Initiative stuff and I have to concur with Benjamin. This OP is formed of individuals and groups from all perspectives, so we can't just write up a general encompassing opinion to represent OPPF on this heavily political matter. While everyone in the OP can agree that taking the fight to the Vanduul is a cause worth fighting for, there are some things, many things, which the OP itself should remain neutral in as we don't represent the ideals and motives of everyone participating.

  • Jack Knife
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Re: OPPF Press Release supporting Admiral Bishop
Reply #18
Yea the Polo Initiative should be left out of it.

For example I mainly support it,because it was intended to cut the grossly high R&D budget and not fleet maintenance. Then when he actually called upon high ranking officers to cooperate and tell him what could be cut they all had some excuse or didn't show up in a political stalling tactic implying military industrial complex styled corporate interests.

  • mediaflare
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Re: OPPF Press Release supporting Admiral Bishop
Reply #19
Would we be able to contribute via audio or video? I can't write very well, but my charisma is pretty high :P

Re: OPPF Press Release supporting Admiral Bishop
Reply #20
So the basic news niblet would be

"Operation Pitchfork released a press statement today in support of Admiral Bishop. They have stated they have no position on the Polo Initiative, other than noting that they are highly critical of where the UEE has allocated its military resources."

  • Andy_H
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Re: OPPF Press Release supporting Admiral Bishop
Reply #21

Great stuff guys. I am thinking two. One which is a typical press release 1/4 to 3/4 page length with another 1/4 "About" section.  The Empire Report segments are maybe 1 to 3 sentences long. "Operation Pitchfork released a press statement today in support of Admiral Bishop and scathingly condemned the Polo Initiative" or whatever you guys come up with.

I just think they should complement each other.

Agree with others. The Polio Initiative (pun intended) is a completely separate issue and we have differing opinions on it. Best to ignore it.
.....
Just taking a shot. I'm more of a rough draft guy and a story teller ;)

Seven days ago history repeated itself yet again in the form of the Vanduul attack on Vega II. Multitudes of innocent bystanders lost their lives in a few short hours before the Vanduul were driven back. Not as unintended 'collateral damage' or any other politically minded phrase to make an ugly truth easier to live with. But as targets by individual barbarians who do not differentiate between civilian and fighter, wealthy or poor, famous or unknown, upright or nefarious. Not even between adult and child.

The Vanduul have repeatedly demonstrated their will to continue their ways of murdering human populations and pillaging entire worlds to feed their war machine, while humanity as a whole have repeatedly demonstrated the will to fall back from the frontiers. Using the excuses that they were too far away. That holding the line there was too costly to justify. Too difficult to maintain.

We are all shocked by this most recent attack, yet deep down we all had to know it was coming. Why would the Vanduul stop themselves when humanity shows little resolve to pay the tremendous and terrible price it will take to push the horror back out in order to survive?

For the last two years the movement known at 'Operation Pitchfork' has been organizing, rallying, reasoning, petitioning, and stockpiling in preparation to attack and push the enemy out of the Red Systems. Even though we grieve over the loss of life at Vega, just as we have over Orion, Caliban, Virgil, and Tiber, we can't help but rejoice at Admiral Bishop's call to arms before the UEE Senate. That we will not have to pay the inevitable price in blood and grief alone as Citizens and Civilians alike take the stand for the sake of our future generations.
........................

That's what I've got off the top of my head. Feel free to hack-n-slash, or just steal anything good ;)
  • Last Edit: October 11, 2015, 08:59:53 PM by Andy_H

Re: OPPF Press Release supporting Admiral Bishop
Reply #22
Not putting polo in there is more than fine. The point I was trying to make is 2/3 liner should hit points that are in the full release.
Pitchfork Belongs to all of us


  • Benjamin the Rogue
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Re: OPPF Press Release supporting Admiral Bishop
Reply #23

Agree with others. The Polio Initiative (pun intended) is a completely separate issue and we have differing opinions on it. Best to ignore it.
.....
Just taking a shot. I'm more of a rough draft guy and a story teller ;)

Seven days ago history repeated itself yet again in the form of the Vanduul attack on Vega II. Tens of thousands of innocent bystanders lost their lives in a few short hours before the Vanduul were driven back. Not as unintended 'collateral damage' or any other politically minded phrase to make an ugly truth easier to live with. But as targets by individual barbarians who do not differentiate between civilian and fighter, wealthy or poor, famous or unknown, upright or nefarious. Not even between adult and child.

The Vanduul have repeatedly demonstrated their will to continue their ways of murdering human populations and pillaging entire worlds to feed their war machine, while humanity as a whole have repeatedly demonstrated the will to fall back from the frontiers. Using the excuses that they were too far away. That holding the line there was too costly to justify. Too difficult to maintain.

We are all shocked by this most recent attack, yet deep down we all had to know it was coming. Why would the Vanduul stop themselves when humanity shows little resolve to pay the tremendous and terrible price it will take to push the horror back out in order to survive?

For the last two years the movement known at 'Operation Pitchfork' has been organizing, rallying, reasoning, petitioning, and stockpiling in preparation to attack and push the enemy out of the Red Systems. Even though we grieve over the loss of life at Vega, just as we have over Orion, Caliban, Virgil, and Tiber, we can't help but rejoice at Admiral Bishop's call to arms before the UEE Senate. That we will not have to pay the inevitable price in blood and grief alone as Citizens and Civilians alike take our stand for the sake of our future generations.
........................

That's what I've got off the top of my head. Feel free to hack-n-slash, or just steal anything good ;)


I think we should leave out numbers concerning casualties, since that's a lore item and we don't know the numbers yet. But everything else in this was excellent. I have nothing to add or correct.
  • Last Edit: October 11, 2015, 08:24:36 PM by Benjamin the Rogue

  • Andy_H
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Re: OPPF Press Release supporting Admiral Bishop
Reply #24
Thanks, Benjamin! I'll make the edit in the original post. I think the last part could use some more work, since the objective was a statement of support for the speech. But given our unlawful and separatist brothers-n-sisters are part of this, I wanted to maintain a certain positive distance between us and the UEE Military.

Re: OPPF Press Release supporting Admiral Bishop
Reply #25
I thought it might be interesting to sneak in a Tevarin perspective on the Vanduul and what they represent. We've been pretty focused on the human side of things because it's what we know (and also because only humans are playable thus far), but there's a whole other intelligent species that's got just as much stake in this fight as us squishy pink things do, and they're subjects and citizens of the Empire just like we are. Historically, they're also the inheritors of the remnants of a culture that was invested to the point of national self-destruction in avenging its dead, and never ever surrendering until the fight was quite literally bled out of it.

So... I'm going to try to whip up a response from that angle. Something suitably contemptuous about the Empire's apparent weakness- is this the same Empire that brought our proud ancestors to their knees? Anger at the Empire's willingness to let itself, and by extension the Tevarin whom it conquered and thereby took responsibility for, wither and die in the face of an enemy so obviously bent on conquest and destruction; praise for Admiral Bishop for his prowess in battle and for his willingness to carry the fight forward, and so on.

  • Benjamin the Rogue
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Re: OPPF Press Release supporting Admiral Bishop
Reply #26

Thanks, Benjamin! I'll make the edit in the original post. I think the last part could use some more work, since the objective was a statement of support for the speech. But given our unlawful and separatist brothers-n-sisters are part of this, I wanted to maintain a certain positive distance between us and the UEE Military.


Yeah, that's what I gathered the purpose of that was. I think it's a good idea. I try to remind people that we're not all pro-UEE here, or even pro-law, so we have to keep our language about ourselves more open in a general way.

  • Andy_H
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Re: OPPF Press Release supporting Admiral Bishop
Reply #27
Ugh. Just got notification that I have a public reading assignment this Thursday!! Should have gotten it three weeks ago. Usually space preparation out over two weeks, but I've only got 4 days this time. I'll chime in as I can, but writing up full revisions will be difficult to squeeze in until the end of the week. :(

Feel free to rework and polish up what I wrote if that is what works for the rest of you folks! All that matters to me is getting something of quality out before it turns stale :)

  • Diamondback
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Re: OPPF Press Release supporting Admiral Bishop
Reply #28

I thought it might be interesting to sneak in a Tevarin perspective on the Vanduul and what they represent. We've been pretty focused on the human side of things because it's what we know (and also because only humans are playable thus far), but there's a whole other intelligent species that's got just as much stake in this fight as us squishy pink things do, and they're subjects and citizens of the Empire just like we are. Historically, they're also the inheritors of the remnants of a culture that was invested to the point of national self-destruction in avenging its dead, and never ever surrendering until the fight was quite literally bled out of it.

So... I'm going to try to whip up a response from that angle. Something suitably contemptuous about the Empire's apparent weakness- is this the same Empire that brought our proud ancestors to their knees? Anger at the Empire's willingness to let itself, and by extension the Tevarin whom it conquered and thereby took responsibility for, wither and die in the face of an enemy so obviously bent on conquest and destruction; praise for Admiral Bishop for his prowess in battle and for his willingness to carry the fight forward, and so on.


Good idea--maybe something disdainful of how squishy and soft the Empire today is, but how this Bishop fights with a clarity, strength and resolve worthy not only of his ancestors at their zenith, but even for any of the greatest Tevarin warriors of old to admire. :)
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  • Benjamin the Rogue
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Re: OPPF Press Release supporting Admiral Bishop
Reply #29

Good idea--maybe something disdainful of how squishy and soft the Empire today is, but how this Bishop fights with a clarity, strength and resolve worthy not only of his ancestors at their zenith, but even for any of the greatest Tevarin warriors of old to admire. :)


I honestly have no idea how Tevarin are as a culture in the lore right now, so I can't offer anything up. I don't know if they're bitter or resentful or if they accept what happened and have moved on. I know one Tevarin is running for office on a planet somewhere, but other than that, nothing else.

  • Jack Knife
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Re: OPPF Press Release supporting Admiral Bishop
Reply #30
Tevarin are only directly spoken of 3 times.

-Initial lore with no description of appearance other than tall and hardy with a sense of essentially Bushido that allowed them to go to war with inferior technology(Presumably 150 years behind.) and still put up a significant fight.
-A story about Tevarin revolutionaries and dissidents in prison. Describing Tevarin as "Grey". So at least we got a color,but it still might change as they are very vaguely defined.
-The Tevarin running to be a Senator is trying to get Tevarin to accept the fact that their people and culture have mixed with human civilization and through politics can represent this minority and possibly get them away from the negative Ronin style depression and violence they are currently known for.

Therefore I think a Tevarin POV can go 2 ways. UEE Osmosis or Extreme Cynicism. A human view is much simpler though and more relatable,but CIG might like a Tevarin perception for creativity with the risk that is is a false representation.

  • Benjamin the Rogue
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Re: OPPF Press Release supporting Admiral Bishop
Reply #31

Tevarin are only directly spoken of 3 times.

-Initial lore with no description of appearance other than tall and hardy with a sense of essentially Bushido that allowed them to go to war with inferior technology(Presumably 150 years behind.) and still put up a significant fight.
-A story about Tevarin revolutionaries and dissidents in prison. Describing Tevarin as "Grey". So at least we got a color,but it still might change as they are very vaguely defined.
-The Tevarin running to be a Senator is trying to get Tevarin to accept the fact that their people and culture have mixed with human civilization and through politics can represent this minority and possibly get them away from the negative Ronin style depression and violence they are currently known for.

Therefore I think a Tevarin POV can go 2 ways. UEE Osmosis or Extreme Cynicism. A human view is much simpler though and more relatable,but CIG might like a Tevarin perception for creativity with the risk that is is a false representation.


Yeah, this is kind of why I'm leery of writing any content for them. I have no idea where CIG is going with them.

  • Diamondback
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Re: OPPF Press Release supporting Admiral Bishop
Reply #32
We can still safely assume that they prize strength and honor, though, and have a certain amount of "roll up sleeves and do what needs doing" mindset as illustrated by Nescus's offer about "no matter what the past, anyone who's willing to come fight the Vanduul with us can consider past debts with me in cash or blood Paid In Full" from BootyCall a while back.
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Re: OPPF Press Release supporting Admiral Bishop
Reply #33
I figure it's safe enough to write from an individual perspective- they'd hardly all have the same point of view as a race, so it changes nothing if CIG takes the majority in a completely different direction.

  • mediaflare
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Re: OPPF Press Release supporting Admiral Bishop
Reply #34
I would recommend that we don't get too fanatical or aggressive in our response. We want to voice our feelings and stance, but remember to be political too! Don't want to turn away potential new members by sounding the wrong way

  • Benjamin the Rogue
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Re: OPPF Press Release supporting Admiral Bishop
Reply #35
Is this still going on? Should we need to have something together and sent soonish if we want to move on this. Otherwise I'm going to send my press blurb through concierge to see if they want to use it.

Re: OPPF Press Release supporting Admiral Bishop
Reply #36
Would be good to have something for an 'official' response.

  • Jack Knife
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Re: OPPF Press Release supporting Admiral Bishop
Reply #37
So far we have 3 possible responses and it seems like it's time to choose since we're now on a relevancy time table.(The last one should probably be cut down though.)


"We lost Armitage on Orion to the Vanduul as the survivors fled to Vega. We were unprepared back then. Now Vega has been attacked 200 years later and we have failed to prepare properly against this threat. Containing it and appeasing the public opinion with political labels as citizens continued to die. We will never forget this for reaching back into history is noting that to deny our fallen the justice they deserve is to deny a part, even a fundamental part, of our very Humanity itself. Reaching further back the Art of War stated that invincibility lies in defense,but victory lies in attack. Therefore we cannot sit idly by for another 200 years. We stand by Admiral Bishop as we must attack!"



"Operation Pitchfork released a press statement today in support of Admiral Bishop. They have stated they have no position on the Polo Initiative, other than noting that they are highly critical of where the UEE has allocated its military resources."



Seven days ago history repeated itself yet again in the form of the Vanduul attack on Vega II. Multitudes of innocent bystanders lost their lives in a few short hours before the Vanduul were driven back. Not as unintended 'collateral damage' or any other politically minded phrase to make an ugly truth easier to live with. But as targets by individual barbarians who do not differentiate between civilian and fighter, wealthy or poor, famous or unknown, upright or nefarious. Not even between adult and child.

The Vanduul have repeatedly demonstrated their will to continue their ways of murdering human populations and pillaging entire worlds to feed their war machine, while humanity as a whole have repeatedly demonstrated the will to fall back from the frontiers. Using the excuses that they were too far away. That holding the line there was too costly to justify. Too difficult to maintain.

We are all shocked by this most recent attack, yet deep down we all had to know it was coming. Why would the Vanduul stop themselves when humanity shows little resolve to pay the tremendous and terrible price it will take to push the horror back out in order to survive?

For the last two years the movement known at 'Operation Pitchfork' has been organizing, rallying, reasoning, petitioning, and stockpiling in preparation to attack and push the enemy out of the Red Systems. Even though we grieve over the loss of life at Vega, just as we have over Orion, Caliban, Virgil, and Tiber, we can't help but rejoice at Admiral Bishop's call to arms before the UEE Senate. That we will not have to pay the inevitable price in blood and grief alone as Citizens and Civilians alike take the stand for the sake of our future generations.


  • ~L~
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Re: OPPF Press Release supporting Admiral Bishop
Reply #38
I personally like the first option the best, though it needs some minor modification towards the end as the way the last piece is fit into the paragraph it kind of kills the flow. If you provide me with a moment or two I can write up a possible alteration to it?

Re: OPPF Press Release supporting Admiral Bishop
Reply #39
Wow. Yeah, what I came up with is w-a-a-a-a-a-y too long. Too angry also, I think. I'll post it up later anyway, because I like the result, but I don't think it's quite what we're looking for here.

For a short, to the point public statement, I think I like the last paragraph of Andy_H's response the best: 

For the last two years the movement known at 'Operation Pitchfork' has been organizing, rallying, reasoning, petitioning, and stockpiling in preparation to attack and push the enemy out of the Red Systems. Even though we grieve over the loss of life at Vega, just as we have over Orion, Caliban, Virgil, and Tiber, we can't help but rejoice at Admiral Bishop's call to arms before the UEE Senate. That we will not have to pay the inevitable price in blood and grief alone as Citizens and Civilians alike take the stand for the sake of our future generations.


It's got a brief history of Pitchfork for anybody who hasn't heard of us yet and a statement of support of Adm. Bishop's speech, recognition of and sympathy for the dead at Vega and the other worlds the Vanduul have attacked, and it's completely apolitical outside the main issue (supporting offensive action against the Vanduul). The language is very diplomatic (no blame-throwing) and reasonable- less likely to get us dismissed as extremists. For an "official" statement endorsed by Operation Pitchfork as a whole rather than issued by an individual member or member org, I don't think we could do much better than that.

  • ~L~
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Re: OPPF Press Release supporting Admiral Bishop
Reply #40
Here is a preliminary modification of it. I Am going to keep looking over it for now to see how I can improve it.

We lost Armitage on Orion to the Vanduul as the survivors fled to Vega. We were unprepared back then. Now Vega has been attacked 200 years later and we have once again failed to prepare properly against this threat. Containing it and appeasing the public opinion with political labels as citizens continue to die at the hands of the Vanduul. Reaching back into history, The Art of War stated that invincibility lies in defense, but victory lies in attack. Therefore we cannot sit idly by for another 200 years. We stand by Admiral Bishop as we must attack! For to deny our fallen the justice they deserve is to deny a part, even a fundamental part, of our very Humanity.
  • Last Edit: October 15, 2015, 02:08:18 PM by ~L~

Re: OPPF Press Release supporting Admiral Bishop
Reply #41
I agree with Wrath_Of_Deadguy that the last paragraph of Andy_H's statement is the best.

For the last two years the movement known at 'Operation Pitchfork' has been organizing, rallying, reasoning, petitioning, and stockpiling in preparation to attack and push the enemy out of the Red Systems. Even though we grieve over the loss of life at Vega, just as we have over Orion, Caliban, Virgil, and Tiber, we can't help but rejoice at Admiral Bishop's call to arms before the UEE Senate. That we will not have to pay the inevitable price in blood and grief alone as Citizens and Civilians alike take the stand for the sake of our future generations.


Some adjustments:

For two years, the movement known at 'Operation Pitchfork' has been organizing, rallying, reasoning, petitioning, and stockpiling in preparation to attack and push the enemy out of the Red Systems. Even though we grieve over the loss of life at Vega, just as we have over Orion, Tiber, Virgil, and Caliban, we cannot help but rejoice at Admiral Bishop's call to arms before the UEE Senate. That we will not be alone in paying the inevitable price in blood and grief. Citizens and Civilians alike must stand together, that future generations may flourish in peace.

Thoughts?

  • Jack Knife
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Re: OPPF Press Release supporting Admiral Bishop
Reply #42
I approve of L's revision.

  • ~L~
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Re: OPPF Press Release supporting Admiral Bishop
Reply #43
Another minor modification to the opening. I personally am liking them both at this point. Too bad we can't use both.

Nearly two centuries ago we lost Armitage on Orion to the Vanduul as the survivors fled to Vega. We were unprepared back then. Now Vega has been attacked 200 years later and we have once again failed to prepare properly against this threat. Containing it and appeasing the public opinion with political labels as citizens continue to die at the hands of the Vanduul. Reaching back into history, The Art of War stated that invincibility lies in defense, but victory lies in attack. Therefore we cannot sit idly by for another 200 years. We stand by Admiral Bishop as we must attack! For to deny our fallen the justice they deserve is to deny a part, even a fundamental part, of our very Humanity.

Re: OPPF Press Release supporting Admiral Bishop
Reply #44
One thing I would note is that the order of systems falling seems to go:
Orion -> Tiber -> Virgil -> Caliban

So you may want to adjust the first sentence to reflect the constant retreat. Particularly Orion -> Tiber -> Virgil -> Vega.

Caliban is a bit of an outlier.

  • ~L~
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Re: OPPF Press Release supporting Admiral Bishop
Reply #45
Idea of portraying continued retreat incorporated. I could also take a shot at doing some edits to AndhyH's last paragraph and see how I can better the flow of that if you like?

Take 1:
Nearly two centuries ago we lost Armitage on Orion to the Vanduul. The survivors fled first to Tiber and were eventually forced to take refuge on Vega. We were unprepared back then. Now Vega has been attacked 200 years later and we have once again failed to prepare properly against this threat. Containing it and appeasing the public opinion with political labels as citizens continue to die at the hands of the Vanduul. Reaching back into history, The Art of War stated that invincibility lies in defense, but victory lies in attack. Therefore we cannot sit idly by for another 200 years. We stand by Admiral Bishop as we must attack! For to deny our fallen the justice they deserve is to deny a part, even a fundamental part, of our very Humanity.

Take 2:
Nearly two centuries ago we lost Armitage on Orion to the Vanduul, as the survivors fled first to Tiber then Virgil and were eventually forced to take refuge on Vega. We were unprepared back then. Now Vega has been attacked 200 years later and we have once again failed to prepare properly against this threat. Containing it and appeasing the public opinion with political labels as citizens continue to die at the hands of the Vanduul. Reaching back into history, The Art of War stated that invincibility lies in defense, but victory lies in attack. Therefore we cannot sit idly by for another 200 years. We stand by Admiral Bishop as we must attack! For to deny our fallen the justice they deserve is to deny a part, even a fundamental part, of our very Humanity.
  • Last Edit: October 15, 2015, 09:26:33 PM by ~L~

Re: OPPF Press Release supporting Admiral Bishop
Reply #46
Quote

Nearly two centuries ago we lost Armitage on Orion to the Vanduul. The survivors fled first to Tiber and were eventually forced to take refuge on Vega. We were unprepared back then. Now Vega has been attacked 200 years later and we have once again failed to prepare properly against this threat. Containing it and appeasing the public opinion with political labels as citizens continue to die at the hands of the Vanduul. Reaching back into history, The Art of War stated that invincibility lies in defense, but victory lies in attack. Therefore we cannot sit idly by for another 200 years. We stand by Admiral Bishop as we must attack! For to deny our fallen the justice they deserve is to deny a part, even a fundamental part, of our very Humanity.


Some edits:

Over two centuries ago we lost Orion to the Vanduul. The survivors fled first to Tiber, then to Virgil, then finally to Vega. We were unprepared back then. Now Vega is under assault, and we have once again failed to properly defend against this threat. Appeasing the public opinion with political labels as citizens continue to die at the hands of the Vanduul. Sun Tzu's Art of War stated that invincibility lies in defense, but victory lies in attack. Therefore we cannot sit idly by for another two centuries. We stand by Admiral Bishop as we must attack! For to deny our fallen the justice they deserve is to deny a part - a fundamental part - of our very Humanity.

Re: OPPF Press Release supporting Admiral Bishop
Reply #47
As L liked my adjustment in the Shoutbox, seems here are our two options:




Andy_H's Proposal:

For two years, the movement known at 'Operation Pitchfork' has been organizing, rallying, reasoning, petitioning, and stockpiling in preparation to attack and push the enemy out of the Red Systems. Even though we grieve over the loss of life at Vega, just as we have over Orion, Tiber, Virgil, and Caliban, we cannot help but rejoice at Admiral Bishop's call to arms before the UEE Senate. That we will not be alone in paying the inevitable price in blood and grief. Citizens and Civilians alike must stand together, that future generations may flourish in peace.




Jack Knife's Proposal:

Over two centuries ago we lost Orion to the Vanduul. The survivors fled first to Tiber, then to Virgil, then finally to Vega. We were unprepared back then. Now Vega is under assault, and we have once again failed to properly defend against this threat. Appeasing the public opinion with political labels as citizens continue to die at the hands of the Vanduul. Sun Tzu's Art of War stated that invincibility lies in defense, but victory lies in attack. Therefore we cannot sit idly by for another two centuries. We stand by Admiral Bishop as we must attack! For to deny our fallen the justice they deserve is to deny a part - a fundamental part - of our very Humanity.

Re: OPPF Press Release supporting Admiral Bishop
Reply #48
Kind of liking Jack's better  Andy_H's is for lack of better term is melancholy. In lore we are so pissed off we are going on what could very well be a suicide mission just for the opportunity that we may be able to strike back effectively.

That anger should permeate everything we do in lore. In Jack's version for all of its sophistication, it is still apparent. For what it is worth that is my take on it

        
Pitchfork Belongs to all of us


Re: OPPF Press Release supporting Admiral Bishop
Reply #49
Let's go with that then and get it out there. : )

  • Diamondback
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Re: OPPF Press Release supporting Admiral Bishop
Reply #50
So how do we explain my character-concept in lore, as the guy who's going along partially to fight, but mostly to ensure that the lessons bought and paid for in Forker blood are preserved and passed along to the next wave in? :)

Concept is an infiltrator with Executive Services sent to "Observe & Report but not interfere," but who believes in The Cause and will actively support it as far as other orders do not actively prohibit.
Anyone got a Con Andromeda Physical Goodies package you're thinking about melting for a Digital? Send me a note--maybe we can make a deal.

Re: OPPF Press Release supporting Admiral Bishop
Reply #51
Not sure where you would have difficulty with that concept?

I mean, you can think of statements like this and the speech I recorded as the 'wedge' of the movement. Rational, angry, and preparing to take action. There will be more or less reasonable people to either side.

  • Diamondback
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Re: OPPF Press Release supporting Admiral Bishop
Reply #52
In a nutshell, my char is a guy who's been specifically ORDERED by both PF leadership and UEE to pull out and go home if it gets hopeless, despite having instincts to charge in with everybody else.
Anyone got a Con Andromeda Physical Goodies package you're thinking about melting for a Digital? Send me a note--maybe we can make a deal.

  • Benjamin the Rogue
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Re: OPPF Press Release supporting Admiral Bishop
Reply #53
I, huh, sent mine through concierge this morning before my hospital visit since there hadn't been a reply yet.

Re: OPPF Press Release supporting Admiral Bishop
Reply #54
Works for me. You guys run with it
Pitchfork Belongs to all of us


  • ~L~
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Re: OPPF Press Release supporting Admiral Bishop
Reply #55
Yeah, sorry if the sophistication bothers anyone. I can't help but write like that, so when I made the adjustments to Jack's I just naturally wrote in my style.

Re: OPPF Press Release supporting Admiral Bishop
Reply #56
Nothing wrong with sophistication at all. You guys are our writers you're supposed to be sophisticated ;).
  • Last Edit: October 16, 2015, 06:04:22 PM by sailor67
Pitchfork Belongs to all of us


Re: OPPF Press Release supporting Admiral Bishop
Reply #57
Oh yeah, we're just sophisticated as *censored* up in here!   :P

I'm gonna post what I have in a new thread due to length. Would have done it last night, but I had to use a third computer to migrate the file from my tablet (I got a tablet! It's awesome! It also doesn't cooperate with the older laptop I've been using at all!) to my laptop, which can actually connect to the local network here and post things.

  • Andy_H
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Re: OPPF Press Release supporting Admiral Bishop
Reply #58
Some pretty good work there guys. Sorry I got swamped by RL responsibilities.

I get Sailor's criticism, and it is very fair. I figured (and Sailor, you did ask for a brief Empire Report snippet with a 3/4 page copy for their news desk, not ours.) that a broadcast by us would be different than what the Empire Report would broadcast, and that is who we were sending this in for. Part of their job is to be neutral and unbiased, and we can see this in these intros to AtV. So I used these as a foundation for something a professional journalist would put out on the Empire Network and touch as wide an audience who were just shocked to reality of the Vanduul situation and probably outraged already.

We don't need to relay how angry we feel, because they (cause/effect due to lore) are feeling things immensely, and it is much more raw, whereas we've been there this whole time. Just imply that there are other avenues available to take an active stand other than joining the UEE Navy without actually saying so. Imagine a place that had dealt with major terrorism on nearly a weekly basis and the immediate response us Americans had right after 9/11. Their response and reply would not be with an "we're angry too" tone. More like "at last they woke up and now a major force is going to rally up along with us to deal with these monsters."

Just some food for thought. You folks understand human elements on a personal level better than I do. I'm just a people watcher ;)
  • Last Edit: October 18, 2015, 06:00:31 AM by Andy_H

Re: OPPF Press Release supporting Admiral Bishop
Reply #59
Hey

Just a quick thought. The Empire Report teaser  should be about the press release and have little or no content that is actually in it. The idea is the teaser is designed to get the viewer to watch the whole show.
Pitchfork Belongs to all of us


  • Andy_H
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Re: OPPF Press Release supporting Admiral Bishop
Reply #60
Something like this?

"Also coming up: The growing movement known as 'Operation Pitchfork,' centered on the liberation of Orion, released a statement in response to the Vanduul attack on Vega II and Admiral Bishop's call to arms before the UEE Senate. A cry for unity, or a 'we told you so?' And how does this independent movement fit into a renewal of military buildup? Stay tuned as we examine this

Re: OPPF Press Release supporting Admiral Bishop
Reply #61
Exactly
Pitchfork Belongs to all of us


Re: OPPF Press Release supporting Admiral Bishop
Reply #62
So where are we at, you guys reach a consensus and when do we want to publish
Pitchfork Belongs to all of us


  • ~L~
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Re: OPPF Press Release supporting Admiral Bishop
Reply #63
I am all good with where we are at I think. Although one thing of note possibly that just came to mind. What's the actual time-frame of Bishops speech compared to where we are at with this OP and out plans? Will it really be fitting to announce our support of his initiative?

  • Jack Knife
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Re: OPPF Press Release supporting Admiral Bishop
Reply #64
I think his speech is meant to be at the beginning of the game,since they had mission 1's demo right after it which no doubt links into the military buildup,before the proposed major offensive. According to the comm links though it happens in the present,but that's likely just for lore purposes. Either way it does fit within our time table since it's either before OPPF or right on top of it in SC time.

Re: OPPF Press Release supporting Admiral Bishop
Reply #65
Honestly. I think it is a non issue. I am more about these being a marketing tools than accurate pretrials of the time line. We don't actually have good dates yet, so we shouldn't get wrapped around the axle on that.  

Pitchfork Belongs to all of us