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Topic: Letter Draft for Sandi  (Read 4831 times) previous topic - next topic

Letter Draft for Sandi

A quick draft I threw together to send to our newest pilot, Sandi.

Sketch, this letter assumes the pack you're putting together has both the regular pitchfork patch and the Intel patch, by all means, correct me if that isn't the case and I can reword as needed.

Let me know what anyone thinks:

Greetings Pilot Gardiner!

Welcome to Operation Pitchfork. You have chosen to valiantly help us defend the homes of humanity against the scourge of the Vanduul where the UEE have been unwilling to do so for us.

You are and always be welcome among those who wear this patch of honour. A mark of the brave few who stood up against the Vanduul and said 'No. This far and no futher!'. You will be remembered forever among those who will show the UEE that their dismal efforts to defend us against these predators are unacceptable and that the citizens of the UEE will stand for themselves without their assistance if need be.

Further more, as you have enlisted with the intelligence branch of Pitchfork, you also have earned a special place among Pitchforkers. The elite few who have gone behind enemy lines in the depths of secrecy to bring us what information you can. There is no more dangerous or vital a role and volunteering for this high risk duty has earned you the intelligence patch, symbolic of the extreme danger you have and will face against the Vanduul hordes. Wear it well, as it grants you a great deal of prestige among the brave few who stood for humanity.

Fly well, pilot Gardiner. Wherever danger lies, there will always be a Pitchforker to fly with you. And above all, fly safe.

Signed,
(Sailor? Marcus? Someone in charge of 'recruiting'?)

Re: Letter Draft for Sandi

Reply #1 –
Quote from: AdmlBaconStraps on

A quick draft I threw together to send to our newest pilot, Sandi.

Sketch, this letter assumes the pack you're putting together has both the regular pitchfork patch and the Intel patch, by all means, correct me if that isn't the case and I can reword as needed.

Let me know what anyone thinks:

Greetings Pilot Gardiner!

Welcome to Operation Pitchfork. You have chosen to valiantly help us defend the homes of humanity against the scourge of the Vanduul where the UEE have been unwilling to do so for us.

You are and always be welcome among those who wear this patch of honour. A mark of the brave few who stood up against the Vanduul and said 'No. This far and no futher!'. You will be remembered forever among those who will show the UEE that their dismal efforts to defend us against these predators are unacceptable and that the citizens of the UEE will stand for themselves without their assistance if need be.

Further more, as you have enlisted with the intelligence branch of Pitchfork, you also have earned a special place among Pitchforkers. The elite few who have gone behind enemy lines in the depths of secrecy to bring us what information you can. There is no more dangerous or vital a role and volunteering for this high risk duty has earned you the intelligence patch, symbolic of the extreme danger you have and will face against the Vanduul hordes. Wear it well, as it grants you a great deal of prestige among the brave few who stood for humanity.

Fly well, pilot Gardiner. Wherever danger lies, there will always be a Pitchforker to fly with you. And above all, fly safe.

Signed,
(Sailor? Marcus? Someone in charge of 'recruiting'?)


I was thinking that because Ben said she was flying a secret mission for Pitchfork that apart from the care pack the letter would be more along the lines of requesting a report on her findings behind enemy lines. That way it gives them an opportunity to reply in "lore" with a report. Of course it could always be both, a welcome and thank you for joining as well as a request for her report.
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Re: Letter Draft for Sandi

Reply #3 –
Sailor was saying that Marcus is in charge of intelligence so maybe add something requesting she report her findings to him or directly to Sailor. We can see if they keep it going :)
html

Re: Letter Draft for Sandi

Reply #4 –
Ok added a bit to push it a little closer to that idea:

Greetings Pilot Gardiner!

Welcome to Operation Pitchfork. You have chosen to valiantly help us defend the homes of humanity against the scourge of the Vanduul where the UEE have been unwilling to do so for us.

You are and always be welcome among those who wear this patch of honour. A mark of the brave few who stood up against the Vanduul and said 'No. This far and no futher!'. You will be remembered forever among those who will show the UEE that their dismal efforts to defend us against these predators are unacceptable and that the citizens of the UEE will stand for themselves without their assistance if need be.

Further more, as you have enlisted with the intelligence branch of Pitchfork, you also have earned a special place among Pitchforkers. The elite few who have gone behind enemy lines in the depths of secrecy to bring us what information you can. There is no more dangerous or vital a role and volunteering for this high risk duty has earned you the intelligence patch, symbolic of the extreme danger you have and will face against the Vanduul hordes. Wear it well, as it grants you a great deal of prestige among the brave few who stood for humanity.

We hope this letter finds you before you are deployed, however since many of our tasks require some urgency, you may have been assigned a mission before this finds you. Should this be the case, your superior officer for intelligence is Capt. Marcus 'ImpaleMan' McMurphy who is head of intelligence. He looks forward to hearing any and all information you can return with.

Fly well, pilot Gardiner. Wherever danger lies, there will always be a Pitchforker to fly with you. And above all, fly safe.

Signed,
Admiral Sailor67
Commander in Chief
Operation Pitchfork


(I was going to use the ranks under the Pitchfork Org, but since Marcus and Sailor are the same rank, it seemed a bit odd to do so)

Re: Letter Draft for Sandi

Reply #5 –
One thing I was not going to include was official sounding ranks for people. Would go in line with being an ad hoc, fed-up, ragtag civilian movement. Perhaps signed by those in the various departments, or just as the 'Coordinating Staffers.'

This could fit with an RP tone of no pressure toward a notable person who wished to fly with us under an assumed name for whatever reason. We are all just people who are stepping up to the plate. Rather than request a report, ask if she would leak that info to Marcus in PF Intelligence.

Re: Letter Draft for Sandi

Reply #6 –
Another iteration. 'Coordination team' seemed better and more to the point that listing department heads:

Greetings Pilot Gardiner!

Welcome to Operation Pitchfork. You have chosen to valiantly help us defend the homes of humanity against the scourge of the Vanduul where the UEE have been unwilling to do so for us.

You are and always be welcome among those who wear this patch of honour. A mark of the brave few who stood up against the Vanduul and said 'No. This far and no futher!'. You will be remembered forever among those who will show the UEE that their dismal efforts to defend us against these predators are unacceptable and that the citizens of the UEE will stand for themselves without their assistance if need be.

Further more, as you have enlisted with the intelligence branch of Pitchfork, you also have earned a special place among Pitchforkers. The elite few who have gone behind enemy lines in the depths of secrecy to bring us what information you can. There is no more dangerous or vital a role and volunteering for this high risk duty has earned you the intelligence patch, symbolic of the extreme danger you have and will face against the Vanduul hordes. Wear it well, as it grants you a great deal of prestige among the brave few who stood for humanity.

We hope this letter finds you before you are deployed, however since many of our tasks require some urgency, you may have been assigned a mission before this finds you. Should this be the case, the Pitchfork intelligence coordinator is Capt. Marcus 'ImpaleMan' McMurphy. He looks forward to hearing any and all information you can return with.

Fly well, pilot Gardiner. Wherever danger lies, there will always be a Pitchforker to fly with you. And above all, fly safe.

Signed,
Operation Pitchfork Coordination team

Re: Letter Draft for Sandi

Reply #7 –
McMurphy? Lets change it a bit:

Greetings Pilot Gardiner!

Welcome to Operation Pitchfork. You have chosen to valiantly help us defend the homes of humanity against the scourge of the Vanduul where the UEE have been unwilling to do so for us.

You are and always be welcome among those who wear this patch of honour. A mark of the brave few who stood up against the Vanduul and said 'No. This far and no futher!'. You will be remembered forever among those who will show the UEE that their dismal efforts to defend us against these predators are unacceptable and that the citizens of the UEE will stand for themselves without their assistance if need be.

Further more, as you have enlisted with the intelligence branch of Pitchfork, you also have earned a special place among Pitchforkers. The elite few who have gone behind enemy lines in the depths of secrecy to bring us what information you can. There is no more dangerous or vital a role and volunteering for this high risk duty has earned you the intelligence patch, symbolic of the extreme danger you have and will face against the Vanduul hordes. Wear it well, as it grants you a great deal of prestige among the brave few who stood for humanity.

We hope this letter finds you before you are deployed, however since many of our tasks require some urgency, you may have been assigned a mission before this finds you. Should this be the case, the Pitchfork intelligence staff is looking forward to hearing any and all information you can return with.

Fly well, pilot Gardiner. Wherever danger lies, there will always be a Pitchforker to fly with you. And above all, fly safe.

Signed,
Operation Pitchfork Coordination team

Re: Letter Draft for Sandi

Reply #8 –
Lol, 'McMurphy' was listed for you somewhere, I just ran with it since you're running intel on the op.

I think that reword works better, but I thought the idea was to have her 'report' to someone?

Re: Letter Draft for Sandi

Reply #9 –
Quote from: AdmlBaconStraps on

Lol, 'McMurphy' was listed for you somewhere, I just ran with it since you're running intel on the op.


That McMurphy fellow would be an imposter then, please shoot on sight  8)

Quote from: AdmlBaconStraps on
I think that reword works better, but I thought the idea was to have her 'report' to someone?


While the nature of operation pitchfork's principles does not exclude the idea voluntary organizing into hierarchies, the idea that someone who is new and who did not make an actual visible commitment to a hierarchy or chain of command, must 'report' to someone is actually a bit against the voluntary principles of pitchfork and sends the wrong message ;-)

Re: Letter Draft for Sandi

Reply #10 –
Quote from: Marcus ImpaleMan on

That McMurphy fellow would be an imposter then, please shoot on sight  8)


Commencing Commisar protocols :D

Quote from: Marcus ImpaleMan on
While the nature of operation pitchfork's principles does not exclude the idea voluntary organizing into hierarchies, the idea that someone who is new and who did not make an actual visible commitment to a hierarchy or chain of command, must 'report' to someone is actually a bit against the voluntary principles of pitchfork and sends the wrong message ;-)


I mean report in the 'who do I tell this to' sense, rather than in the military hierarchy sense, but there's a certain logic in your argument..

Re: Letter Draft for Sandi

Reply #11 –
Hey Guys! Good to see the effort being put into this. As I promised Sailor, I wrote a letter that I will add below. Not trying to undermine anything or step on any toes. It is just my creative process is a fairly subconscious stewing over many days rather than a concentrated and deliberate effort. So I am a bit behind you folks :)  We can go with one letter, merge elements of both, or send each one as if from different sections. One being the acceptance letter from the Personnel Staff (asset roster, ect) and one being from closer to the Coordination Staff themselves.

Mine could use some tuning since it is only a first rough draft. AdmlBaconStraps asked about it waving between Earth History and In-game Lore. I chose to generically write as if Earth History was on the same timeline as the lore was, since lore has to start off from somewhere. I didn't mention EH specifics, but alluded to them occurring as a repeating pattern with our species. This could probably use refinement.

The last paragraph will need editing for what you all decide to do if we choose you use this one as well, and also about the details regarding the care package.



September 7, 2944

Greetings Sandi,

We were sitting in a bar with maps and reports spread out over several tables when we heard over the Gossip Channel broadcast that your name had been leaked as being among those brave men and women taking a stand with us in Operation Pitchfork. Normally the Gossip Channel is not a completely reliable source of information, yet in this case the sources seem legitimate and reliable. It was both a shock and a thrill to hear that someone of your stature has decided to fly among our ranks.

From another species’ perspective, we humans must be an anomaly of nature. We have no fangs, blunt claws, thin skin. Our ancestors didn’t sprint fast, jump far, or change color to evade the lions or tigers. Yet ancient humans had an ability that no other species on our homeworld had. The ability to rise up with a voice determined to alter fate and say “No more!” They chose not to take it any longer and hunted those lions and tigers back despite the terrible dangers, driving those naturally and well equipped hunters to the edge of extinction.

In past recorded history, from the ancient historical periods all the way up to the Messer Era, human populations have occasionally been oppressed, brutalized, and regarded as a resource to use up like cattle by another. Every time, ordinary human beings have reached a point where options are declining, the cost of the status quo too high to accept any longer and once again they rise up and say “No more!”

Humanity is again at that point. Pirates are volunteering to protect transports. Bounty Hunters and Private Militas are coming forward to fly alongside Pirates and Smugglers. Freighter Captains are stocking up supplies for Lawful and Unlawful alike. Racing pilots and Explorers are congregating for recon sorties. Thousands of disharmonious humans from all walks of life are coming forward to take a united stand against the Vanduul aggression that had pushed Humanity back ever since our first bloody contact with them. Like the lions and tigers of old, they have chosen to prey on humankind. And like all those who have come before us, we choose to take fate into our own hands and say “No more!”

The Vanduul no doubt think of humans as revolting. Soon, we shall teach them that the term ‘revolting humans’ has a different meaning altogether. That, like animal predators and human armies of old have had the misfortune to learn, there is nothing more dangerous, merciless, destructive, nor fear inspiring than an oncoming tidal wave of humanity that has simply had enough.

We of Operation Pitchfork wish to welcome you into the ranks of thousands of brothers and sisters who have stood up and proclaimed to the universe “Here I stand. I can do no other.” Enclosed are a formal acceptance letter and a care package for you and your volunteer crews. We wish you well, and Godspeed.

Signed,
Operation Pitchfork Coordination Team

Re: Letter Draft for Sandi

Reply #12 –
Here is a short one.

:)

September 19, 2944

Forker Operative Codename Sandi,

  We look forward to your report on the activities you took part in.

  Now that your cover has “Ben” blown we would like to publicly acknowledge your contributions and say thank you for your participation in this great undertaking.

  As you know the Vanduul attacked Armitage about 250 years ago and have continued to attack our race ever since. They did not explain themselves then and to this date their only explanation for their actions is to murder all Humans on sight. No matter their reasons the People of the Human Race will not lay down any longer, we will force them to account for the slaughter of the people of Armitage and all the lost generations that the human race was robbed of, when they destroyed the Men, woman, and CHILDREN of Armitage!

Your fellow Forkers.
The meek may inherit the Earth, but the rest of us are going to Orion.

Re: Letter Draft for Sandi

Reply #13 –
OK this is a rework of Marcus' letter to flow better (as I mentioned in my post on the RSI forums).

Greetings Pilot Gardiner!

Welcome to Operation Pitchfork. You have chosen to valiantly help us defend the homes of humanity against the scourge of the Vanduul when the UEE has been unwilling to do so.

You are and always will be welcome among those who wear this patch of honour. A mark of the brave few who stood up against the Vanduul and said 'No. This far and no futher!'. You will be remembered forever among those who will show the UEE that their dismal efforts to defend us against these predators is unacceptable and that the citizens of the UEE will stand for themselves without their assistance if need be.

Further more, as you have enlisted with the intelligence branch of Pitchfork, you also have earned a special place among Pitchforkers as one of the elite few who have gone behind enemy lines to bring us what information you can. There is no more dangerous or vital a role that you could have undertaken.  Volunteering for this high risk duty has earned you the intelligence patch, symbolic of the extreme danger you have and continue to face against the Vanduul hordes. Wear it well, as it grants you a great deal of prestige among the brave few who stood for humanity.

We hope this letter finds you before you are deployed, however since many of our tasks require some urgency, you may have been assigned a mission before this finds you. Should this be the case, the Pitchfork intelligence staff is looking forward to hearing any and all information you can return with.

Fly well, pilot Gardiner. Wherever danger lies, there will always be a Pitchforker to fly with you. And above all, fly safe.

Signed,
Operation Pitchfork Coordination team

Re: Letter Draft for Sandi

Reply #14 –
Some small changes to the letter from Andy_H:

Greetings Sandi,

We were sitting in a bar with maps and reports spread out over several tables when we heard over the Gossip Channel broadcast that your name had been leaked as being among those brave men and women taking a stand with us in Operation Pitchfork. Normally the Gossip Channel is not a completely reliable source of information, yet in this case the sources seem legitimate and reliable. It was both a surprise and a thrill to hear that someone of your stature has decided to fly among our ranks.

From another species’ perspective, we humans must be an anomaly of nature. We have no fangs, blunt claws, thin skin. Our ancestors did not sprint fast, jump far or high, or change color to evade the lions or packs of hyenas. Yet ancient humans had an ability that no other species on our homeworld had. The ability to rise up with a voice determined to alter fate and say “No more!” They chose not to take it any longer and fought those lions and hyenas despite the terrible dangers, driving those naturally and well equipped predators and scavengers to the edge of extinction.

In past recorded history, from the ancient historical periods all the way up to the Messer Era, human populations have occasionally been oppressed, brutalized, and regarded as a resource to be used up like cattle by another. Every time, ordinary human beings have reached a point where options are diminishing and the cost of the status quo too high to accept any longer and once again they rise up and say “No more!”

Humanity is again at that point. Pirates are volunteering to protect transports. Bounty Hunters and Private Militas are coming forward to fly alongside Pirates and Smugglers. Freighter Captains are stocking up supplies for Lawful and Unlawful alike. Racing pilots and Explorers are congregating for recon sorties. Thousands of disharmonious humans from all walks of life are coming forward to take a united stand against the Vanduul aggression that had pushed Humanity back ever since our first bloody contact with them. Like the lions and hyenas of old, they have chosen to prey on humankind. And like all those who have come before us, we choose to take fate into our own hands and say “No more!”

The Vanduul no doubt think of humans as revolting. Soon, we shall teach them that the term ‘revolting humans’ has a different meaning altogether. That, like animal predators and human armies of old have had the misfortune to learn, there is nothing more dangerous, merciless, destructive, nor fear inspiring than an oncoming tidal wave of humanity that has simply had enough.

We of Operation Pitchfork wish to welcome you into the ranks of thousands of brothers and sisters who have stood up and proclaimed to the universe “Here I stand. It ends here.” Enclosed is a formal acceptance letter and a care package for you and your volunteer crews. We wish you well, and Godspeed.

Signed,
Operation Pitchfork Coordination Team

Re: Letter Draft for Sandi

Reply #15 –
Thanks, Glacier! That was very helpful.

Shank, you asked about your short letter. How about this? It is a pretty quick edit.



September 19, 2944

Forker Operative "Sandi,"

We look forward to your report on the activities you took part in during the meeting with the UEE representatives.

Now that your cover has “Ben” blown we would like to publicly acknowledge your contributions and say thank you for your participation in this great undertaking.

As you know the Vanduul's first massacre against Armitage was nearly 250 years ago, and have continued to attack our race ever since. They did not bother to explain any grievance they may have had then, and to this date their only action has been the additional slaughter of Humans on sight. No matter their supposed reasons, the People of the Human Race will not lay down any longer. We will force them to account for the slaughter of the lost generations that the human race was robbed of. The pioneering men, woman, and CHILDREN of Armitage!

Your fellow Forkers.
"The meek may inherit the Earth, but the rest of us are going to Orion."